Her Diary …

 

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Expectations …

Dear Diary ,

سب مایا ہے سب ڈھلتی پھرتی چھایا ہے

Don’t expect from others … Don’t expect “anything” from others !!!

This has been one my life principles ever since “the” incident a very long time ago … That one incident changed my life forever … my world, my feelings, my thoughts, my emotions, my ideologies, my view point of life and people … everything changed.

First thing I realized then that nothing in this world is like the world in literature and movies and dramas. The world which we have been reading and watching and consequently idolizing and dreaming is not there at all.

The “Muhabbat” is not like that depicted by Ashfaq Ahmed (those are very very rare cases), the heavenly made couples or happy endings are not there like the novels of Bushra Rehman or Razia Butt, neither the luck is always with you nor you can always outsmart the unfavorable circumstances as done by the “Pak-Asia Secret Service” in Imran series J.

So considering all the above the 4-5 months were following the incident were spent in self imposed gloom and sadness.

But not everything about the “real” world turned out to be disappointing. I observed and found out that the world is not that tragic as said by Bano Qudsia, Nor it is that much cruel as depicted by Manto, I found examples where the street of bandraban (بندرابن کی گلی)
was not kunj (کنج) at the end , where parmeshar singh(پرمیشر سنگھ) was actually rewarded for his good deeds , also saw examples where “کرنیل کور“
was actually appreciated and accepted for the what she was and not rejected based on her status, past or heritage.

So I realized that this world is not that bad J. It’s just that when you expect things in return and you “don’t” get them so you get disappointed.

So I started trying “not” to have expectations especially from people. Just like hope for the best but prepare for the worst. This doesn’t at all mean that I don’t trust or care about my loved ones or my friends. It’s just that I have accepted the fact that people are not perfect, never can be, they can’t do justice in paying you back just the same as “you” can’t do justice in repaying others. They can’t always care for you the way you care for them, can’t always love you as the way you love them, can’t sacrifice for you exactly the same you sacrifice for them and it’s the same other way around. It’s not that they don’t “want” to … they just can’t because they have their own reasons and circumstances.

All the ramblings I wrote above, of course I don’t and can’t follow them perfectly. But with practice you get quite good at the “no expectations” thing 😛 . But lately I have put down my guard and some cracks appeared in my fortress from which some expectations crept in and have wreaked havoc L. The irony is that I “want” to get rid of these expectations but at the same time I “want” to keep them … Any suggestion

Confused,

Ali